_immoral_! You'd never make a greater mistake. Oh dear me, no.
Morality's her strongest point. Live on three lettuce leaves, and
give the rest to the char. That's her. Oh, dreadful times we had in
those first years. We only lived together for three years. But dear
_me_! how awful it was!"
"Why?"
"There was no pleasing the woman. She wouldn't eat. If I said to her
'What shall we have for supper, Grace?' as sure as anything she'd
answer 'Oh, I shall take a bath when I go to bed--that will be my
supper.' She was one of these advanced vegetarian women, don't you
know."
"How extraordinary!" said Alvina.
"Extraordinary! I should think so. Extraordinary hard lines on _me_.
And she wouldn't let _me_ eat either. She followed me to the kitchen in
a _fury_ while I cooked for myself. Why imagine! I prepared a dish of
champignons: oh, most _beautiful_ champignons, beautiful--and I put
them on the stove to fry in butter: beautiful young champignons. I'm
hanged if she didn't go into the kitchen while my back was turned, and
pour a pint of old carrot-water into the pan. I was _furious_.
Imagine!--beautiful fresh young champignons--"
"Fresh mushrooms," said Alvina.
"Mushrooms--most beautiful things in the world. Oh! don't you think
so?" And he rolled his eyes oddly to heaven.
"They _are_ good," said Alvina.
"I should say so. And swamped--_swamped_ with her dirty old carrot
water. Oh I was so angry. And all she could say was, 'Well, I
didn't want to waste it!' Didn't want to waste her old carrot water,
and so _ruined_ my champignons. _Can_ you imagine such a person?"
"It must have been trying."
"I should think it was. I lost weight. I lost I don't know how many
pounds, the first year I was married to that woman. She hated me to
eat. Why, one of her great accusations against me, at the last, was
when she said: 'I've looked round the larder,' she said to me, 'and
seen it was quite empty, and I thought to myself: _Now_ he _can't_
cook a supper! And _then_ you did!' There! What do you think of
that? The spite of it! 'And _then_ you did!'"
"What did she expect you to live on?" asked Alvina.
"Nibble a lettuce leaf with her, and drink water from the tap--and
then elevate myself with a Bernard Shaw pamphlet. That was the sort
of woman she was. All it gave _me_ was gas in the stomach."
"So overbearing!" said Alvina.
"Oh!" he turned his eyes to heaven, and spread his hands. "I didn't
believe my senses. I didn't know such people existed. And her
friends! Oh the dreadful friends she had--these Fabians! Oh, their
eugenics. They wanted to examine my private morals, for eugenic
<<BackPagesTo menuForward>>